I've received several emails and comments asking: Is there ANYTHING I can do during these rough developmental transitions, apart from just waiting it out. Not surprisingly, many of these pleas have come from parents with 18-month old children (really, anywhere between 18 and 22-months old). We've talked already about the MASSIVE cognitive and emotional changes that are going on at that age and we've also begun to think about the sleep implications. Although there might be a few tips I could give you, most of what I've got, as you have no doubt caught on, is lots of developmental research and theory that will make you understand your child's world a little better and very few concrete, step-by-step plans for getting your child to sleep during developmental transitions. I thought I'd share with you my graphic reminder of what child development generally looks like. Early development is indeed less like a linear increase in one thing or another and more like a pendulum that swings between periods of sensitivity/vulnerability and stability/resilience. As I head myself into the next transition period with my boys (they'll be 3 1/2 very, very soon… gah!), I like to keep this pendulum swing in mind. It helps me to remember that "this too shall pass" and, also, how far we've come.
So, without further ado, one round of the pendulum swing chez moi… in pictures:
Here are the boys at 18 months. It says it ALL to me. The chaos, the
testing of boundaries, the emotional edginess, the unpredictability.
And here we are two months ago, at 3 years old. Same chair, same boys, whole different world.
And soon the chaos will once again be upon us. Bring it on!
@Isabela
I was curious to know what you thought about the Ames & Ilg theory of equilibrium and disequilibrium at 6-month cycles? That equilibrium usually hits around the year mark and disequilibrium at the half-year mark. Is this only a theory or is there evidence to prove it? The reason I ask is that I have noticed my 4.75 year old tends towards the opposite. He gets really bratting and difficult a couple of months after a birhtday ( this one lasted a couple of months)and around the half year is a pleasure to have around. Of course I only paid attention last year (at 3.5y.o) having heard about the theory on AskMoxie but that’s what I noticed anyway. BTW, son is a pretty laid back kind of fella. As you have mentioned before, temperament may have a lot to do with it, right?
@paola: Ames and Ilg works well with how I’ve been taught to think about stage development. They’re coming from a different perspective though, not necessarily grounded in emotional and cognitive stage theory. I actually don’t know what they base their “theory” on — whether there’s empirical evidence for it — some of the physical milestones there surely is a good body of research. There are loads of empirical papers that have talked about the 4 month, 9 month, 18 month and 2.5 year and 3.5 year shifts in terms of cognitive changes. But Ames and Ilg include WAY more of these transitions and I’m not sure how empirically based those are. I’d have to re-read their books with that eye (I read them AGES ago). Not all kids go through these stages experiencing HUGE disruptions. With kids that have easy-going temperaments like your boy, many of them go through the changes with not much craziness (and if you don’t know to look for the TYPE of change, oftentimes they blend into the background of everyday life and are just part of “growing up”). Also, some kids go through many of the fussiness/moodiness a few months BEFORE the major shifts actually occur (and this isn’t data out there, this is my own observations, just to be clear). From my observations, it seems like some of the skills are SLOWLY coming on line, some of the new perceptions are coming into their consciousness one day and out the other. So they’re in this real period of flux right BEFORE the major shift happens and when that shift does occur (which is around the half year mark after 1), they easily settle back down. That’s why I don’t like to put completely hard ages to these stages. I’d be much more cautious, for example, making sleep changes as the kids near these stages than if they’re really far from them.
Just to complicate things further, I think temperament or personality style also plays into WHICH of the stage transitions hits a kid hardest. For example, my boys are nearing the 3.5 year transition, but still a good 3 months short of it. That transition is all about realizing that other people have minds and intentions of their own that are different from yours; that’s when shame comes on full-blown because kids realize that others can think of them differently then they think of themselves. For one of my boys, so far, he’s looking and acting the same as usual. He’s my analytic, code-detector (loves letters/numbers), obsessive cleaner one. He’s much more interested in how “stuff” works, rather than how people do. But my other boy is DEFINITELY hitting something whacky: his usual cheerful self now has meltdowns at least 3 times per day, he’s much more needy, and always checking how I feel about him. He’s my very social, keenly emotionally intelligent little dude. So… I’m thinking that this 3.5 shift will hit my emotionally and socially keen boy much harder than the analytic/code-detector guy. I could be completely wrong, but it’ll be interesting to watch…