Ahem… Sorry about the missing-in-action thing. Apparently, a blog does NOT write itself and apparently I cannot maintain one without childcare and WITH a more than full-time job (and the holidays, which really sucker-punched me this year, in terms of chaos and crazies). So, we're back to business as usual this week. Thanks for your patience!
This post will be a short one, to give you a heads up about what's coming (and give me a day to recover from the backlog of a month without childcare… did I mention that I NEED childcare?!). As the holiday period comes to a close, a lot of kids have been going through lots of transitions, changes in bedtimes, changes in schedules in general, difficulties perhaps adjusting to extended family members' expectations, the fun but also the conflict that comes with being around cousins, lots of friends and family, and so on. Although the holidays can be an amazing time with children, they can also be the most stressful. So, I thought discipline would be a great topic to cover right about now.
In the next week, possibly two (depending on your interests and response), I'd like to focus the posts on behavioural challenges and how to deal with them effectively. There are SO MANY directions to take these discipline posts. First off, there are different approaches. In my usual style, you'll see that I'm all for mixing up all sorts of effective, non-abusive, constructive approaches to discipline and there are boatloads of books out there that I'll suggest might be useful places to start or enhance our thinking about discipline strategies. But, no surprise, I also think that different developmental stages call for unique approaches to discipline. Not surprisingly, the same methods that may have worked at one age will invariably fail at later ages. So, I'll try to cover different ages and stages as well as the different strategies that people use. And, as usual, the temperament of your child will have a HUGE impact on the effectiveness of any one particular discipline approach. No one method will suit all children, so the aim here will be to mix it up and call for your experiences, both negative and positive, to flesh out any data and reports provided. We'll cover issues like the types of parenting practices that can amplify or dampen poor behaviours, the challenges of implementing most discipline strategies, tantrums and the whole ball-of-wax that makes them different from just pure acting-out behaviours, time-outs and the pros and cons, and, if I have the chutzpah, I'll even open up the discussion about spanking.
We've received several emails about displine issues, but for those of you who haven't written and want a particular topic covered in this general area, please shoot us an email: scienceandparenting@gmail.com
Hope you all had a fabulous holiday period and I wish everyone the best in the new year!
I’m eager to hear more! Our daughter is 21 months, and right now most of our “discipline strategy” consists of deciding whether her shrieks of “No!” about a given issue (bedtime, diaper changing, getting dressed, etc.) should be heeded, or overridden. The only punishments we’ve used so far are verbal indication of disapproval, which is often enough by itself to make her cry, and witholding some desired thing until she does what she’s supposed to (i.e. no story until you brush your teeth).
One more comment: I’d also be curious to hear what discipline approaches were used on the commenters when they were kids, and how they felt about them. There were things my parents did to me that I absolutely hated, and can still get worked up about… but spanking isn’t one of them, although I did occasionally get spanked as a kid. What I hated most was when my dad said things like “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” and “You don’t think it’s fair? Well, the world isn’t fair.”
This sounds great! My daughter is only 15 months old, but I know we’re rapidly approaching toddlerhood. It’ll be great to have a little knowledge before she gets there, though.
Yes, yes yes. Nothing seems to work on my three year old and I feel I give in to her every single time. Like just now I ask her if she needs some water before going to bed. ‘No’, ‘Sure?’ ‘No mummy’. ‘Are you sure, because I’m not coming back in to give you a drink’. ‘Sure Mummy’. Of course the moment I leave the room, it’s all ‘Water, Mummy’ and the battle commences. She is histerical cos she wants her damn water, whcih I will not give her as she has just told me she does not want water. I resort to closing the door (which always stays open, unless someone doesn’t stay in bed) and of course she screams her head off even more. In the end, I have to give in to her or she will freak out even more, and there is her brother who she shares the room with to think of too.
Yeah, I’d love some help, thanks.
Oh yes. Please, lots of ideas about how to handle tantrums!
@Paola- we solved the water/no water thing by always putting a sippy cup of water in her room. If she wants it, she can have it. If she doesn’t, it just sits there, and since its a sippy cup, it doesn’t spill when she knocks it over.
Of course, she’s not potty trained yet so there is no peeing in the bed issue yet.
@Cloud
It’s a battle of wills, not just water. I’m sure if water were available there would be something else to fight over. Like the water has to be cold ( a new one) or in a particular cup. Will give it a try after I go our and buy some new sippy cups, (which I threw away a few months ago).
I’m so looking forward to the next few weeks of posts. It’s been a huge challenge dealing with my 3-year-old son.
I’d be interested too to know how people cope with disapproval from their parents and other family members about the way they choose to discipline their child.