For those parents still struggling with crazy-making sleep deprivation and the challenges of sleep-training, it would be great to have success stories that could provide some hope.
If you've successfully sleep-trained your child already, how old was your child at the time?
Was it easy or hard to do?
I'll start: Our twin boys were exactly 6 months when we started sleep-training. I hit a serious wall between 4 and 6 months and COULD NOT COPE anymore with the hourly wake-up calls. I was a physical and emotional wreck, what with the 3 hours of sleep per night I had been getting most nights (these were not 3 hours IN A ROW, keep in mind). The whole process took about a week, but the worst was over by the first 3 days. I'd say we had it really easy — and I attribute some of that ease to luck (yup, very scientific of me) and the rest to the timing of our sleep-training efforts. At 6 months, the boys were secure, cheerful little guys (which was a lot more than I could say for myself), totally absorbed with sitting up and playing with anything that came into their field of vision. They were noticeably less needy than just a month before, so we went for it and our lives completely changed afterwards. It's amazing what 7 hours of solid sleep will do for a person's mood…
Oh…by the way: This was just the FIRST time we did it. Have I mentioned that for most families, sleep-training isn't a one-shot deal? Stay tuned for the 3 year-old story…
I am totally on board with your approach! I read a few sleep books and ended up using all of them to shape our own, unique approach. We really started to tackle the sleep training at about 5 months when I began to realize that my baby’s cries were becoming much more deliberate, more conscious. Does that make sense?? It was if she had suddenly learned cause and effect – that her cries would elicit a particular response from me.
We used a modified cry-it-out approach, checking in after 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. The first two nights were tough — then it was like a switch went off and she was able to put herself to sleep without any issue. Since then it’s really been so pleasant and easy to put her down and she is sleeping through the night. She is happy, well-rested, gaining independence and just a treat to be around because she’s so well rested (and so are we!!)
I understand from Moxie that you don’t recommend 4 month sleep training but for my twins (now 8 months) we started NAP sleep training around then. They take 2 fabulously long naps (better for nanny than me of course) and 1 very short nap – still at 8 months. We did CIO at 5 months for middle of the night wakeups and it worked within 3 days – I was an “extinction” method person. Now we are having nightime rolling issues now (my son sleeps on his tummy and rolls to his back and can’t get back) and I wonder when I need to start encouraging dropping that third nap. Plus, how long is TOO long a nap?? My kids sleep 11 hours at night – been getting up at 6 am instead of the lovely 7 am – does that mean we should cut down on our nap times (which are 2 hrs for AM, 2 hrs for PM and 30 mins for 3rd nap, with wakeups for feedings at 11 and 3 – hence i know why they are 2 hrs).
On the “checking method” – depends more on the parent personality than the child, I think. I absolutely didn’t think it would be effective and didn’t make sense (mixed messages in my mind, but then again I don’t really attachment parent). I thought it would be worse on my psyche to get up after 10 mins at 3 am and go pat his back or something else that obviously would have no effect…
I also did sleep “training” because I was sick of getting out of bed at night (twice if you count my daughter who would sleep longer). I wonder if Dr. Weissbluth was in charge of the middle of the night feedings for him to think it was fine to do 1-2 feedings at night for the first nine months. I doubt it.
Your book sounds very interesting, I’m kind of obsessive about talking about sleep. And I dread the regressions that Moxie talks about.
From 8 months to about 11.5 months, we were in a kind of sleep hell. Our daughter was getting progressively more difficult to put to bed as she got more mobile. We’d do rocking and cuddling, but she would fight it and cry and try to get down and play instead, and was getting worse instead of better about night waking and how long it took to get back to sleep after waking. Putting her in the car and driving for upwards of 30 minutes was the only thing that worked.
At 11.5 months, we worked out a plan – and found after we “invented” it that we had essentially reinvented the Ferber method without reading Ferber. We went from crazy-long bedtime struggles (an hour and a half was typical) and similarly long night-time efforts to get back to sleep, to falling asleep after 5 minutes at bedtime and generally sleeping through the night or waking once, having a bottle, and going back to sleep right away.
The only part that was really painful was the first 2 or 3 nights, when she was getting used to the idea that we would hug her, cuddle her, rub her back, but NOT pick her up and not stay with her for more than a few minutes at a time. She cried for almost an hour the first night, and about 40 minutes the second night, and after each visit she’d cry hard because she expected to be picked up and wasn’t getting it. After that it got much easier. Now, she cries when we first leave the room, we go in after 5 minutes if she’s not asleep by then, she gets a hug and a back rub which usually puts her to sleep, and done!
As per the Moxie theory of tension increasers and tension decreasers, I guess our daughter is a tension decreaser – even though at first it took a while.
@Allegra: Thanks so much for your support! I completely understand what you mean by “more conscious” cries and I’ll be putting up a post in the next day or two on exactly what’s going on cognitively that makes your impression right on!
@Mommy,Esq: I’m glad to hear what worked for you. Yes, 4 months is usually a tough age for most people. Having said that YOU HAVE TWINS! You’re not going to get any judgment from me for being at the end of your rope by 4 months and just going for the sleep training you felt you needed to do. As I said in a previous post, the period between 4 and 6 months was absolutely traumatic for me (the babies, on the other hand, were having a glorious time “developing”). As for your specific questions about naps and other details, I’m going to summarize a few nap questions and put up a post specifically about the issues you and others have raised. Stay tuned…
@Irene: Oh how I wish I had your comment to directly cut and paste into our book. Your situation is a TEXTBOOK case of the exact ages/stage that is so tough (8-11 months) and how easily it can go if you wait until a more stable period (starting after 11 months). Thanks for your input!
Never did any sleep training because I’m the eternal optimist and I kept thinking, “tonight will be the night he sleeps through!” He finally did without any help from me at 15 months and he sleeps like a dream every night other than the ooccasional early morning wake-up. He was up multiple times per night before then. Maybe my story will give a tired mom some hope!
@Mary: Good point. Success stories come in all forms and not everyone NEEDS or WANTS to change their baby’s sleep habits through some sort of “method.”
Also here via Moxie, and I’m eager to hear your perspective on all things sleep.
My now 27 month old daughter first successfully slept independently (that is, a stretch more than 3 hours alone) when she was about 20 months. We had coslept until then, and I was nursing throughout the night. I was pregnant and very morning sick, and we used Ferber’s ‘extinction’ method. It took ‘only’ 2 nights (it was still hard on us softie parents) before she was falling asleep without any crying/fussing.
We lost our groove when she was about 25 months, but when we felt she was ready a month later, we re-did the process and again it took about 2 nights for things to settle in.
She still wakes between 4-7 am and comes into bed with us, but that is not a big deal for our family.
Oops, pressed post too soon.
I’d like to add:
With baby 2 (due any day), I think we will try to encourage independent sleep earlier than #1. I really sacrificed my sleep and sanity for the first two years of baby 1′s life, and when we finally bit the bullet and transitioned her to her own bed, it really wasn’t hard and she loves her bed and feeling proud of herself.
I really like your theme of choosing the right time and right method for each family/child. I hope we can do just that this time around!
My husband and I are adamantly opposed to any of the “Cry it Out” sleep training methods. We co-slept til 10 months, and our focus has been on slow, gradual, gentle changes made as necessary (from our bed to the crib, crib all night, rocking completely to sleep, rocking til sleepy but awake, napping in the crib, etc.). I suppose some might consider our efforts a “failure” because our 1 year old still has night wakings, but we work together to make sure we each get a decent amount of sleep while not resorting in desperation to methods that we find very distasteful. And slowly but surely, we are seeing that she is more and more able to self soothe, not waking as much as night, napping well – on HER own developmental timeline, not ours!
Looking forward to reading your book.
Our 3 year old still has trouble falling asleep and staying asleep (as do both her parents!). However, in the past month she has slept thru the night about 5 times, which at this point, we consider miraculous. We have tried various sleep methods at various stages but basically try not to stress about it. She is fabulous in all other areas except sleep, so we can’t really complain. Currently she sleeps on the floor next to our bed. She is very interested in getting a mini loft bed but knows that won’t happen until she sleeps in her own room. She tells us she will do that when she is four…
After the first 6 weeks, our little guy was a fairly decent sleeper (waking up once or twice most nights). However, at 6 months, both his night and day sleep fell apart. He started waking up 3, 4, and 5 times a night wanting to nurse and it became increasingly hard to get him back to sleep after each waking. Finally I hit the exhaustion wall, and my husband and I started splitting up the night. My husband dealt with any wakings during the first half of the night and I dealt with wakings during the second half. The first night, my son woke up three times the first half of the night and screamed for an hour each time when the parent with no magic boobs appeared. My husband sang, held him, and generally just endured until he fell asleep each time. The second half of the night he had one brief waking to eat and then slept fine. The next night was similar but he only cried for half an our each time my husband walked in, and he didn’t wake up at all the second half of the night. After a week he was back to only waking up once or twice. Then we had to travel out of town and everything fell apart again. However, when we got back it only took a few days to get him back on track, with the added bonus that he stopped waking up to nurse at all. For the next few weeks he had an occasional waking, but my husband would go in, sing for a minute, and after 30 seconds of crying he’d fall back asleep. We haven’t had to pay him a visit during the night since then, although he just hit 18 months so I’m hoping our good luck streak holds. Sleep is a wonderful thing, and we’re all much happier now that we’re getting it regularly.